By Bibi Deitz Jan 4, It's not always easy to have a financially healthy relationship with your partner. But it's not just possible — it's totally obtainable. If fighting about money or stuffing your feelings in relation to money are the norm in your relationship — or if that's the way you grew up — healthy relationship talks might seem totally foreign.
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But there are concrete steps to take in that direction. Some are small, such as discussing how best to split or not split billsand others are on a larger scale, including talks with your partner about how to look at money in the grand scheme in your relationship. Regardless, it seems that when it comes to making sure that your relationship is healthy when it comes to money, where there's a will, there's a way.
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Emily Bouchard, who is a certified money coachand Jamie Traeger-Muney, a wealth psychologisttell Bustle exactly how to deal with money in your relationship. Bouchard likens it to the discussion of safe sex that should happen before jumping into bed with anyone. Similarly, people in a relationship should "tackle the last taboo subject that most couples are ill-equipped to handle effectively — the topic of money," Bouchard says.
The easiest method of doing so: Talk about the bill. By being "confident and happy to discuss money in the context of paying the bill," she says, "you provide them with an invitation to show up and meet you there. Above all, be honest, Bouchard says.
Figure Out How To Share Finances "No matter what their financial situation, couples need to take time to determine their money philosophy, both individually. More often than not, one person in a relationship makes more than the other, and this can cause problems if not discussed.
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There's always a solution, says Bouchard, though sometimes it's unorthodox. He also took care of the utilities and helped with food as well.
Things went along smoothly until the regular payments stopped. She became silently resentful and angry, dropping hints and making sideways complaints to him in ways that would be called passive aggressive, and had them seek out support. Never Drop The Ball On Communication For healthy finances in your relationship, communicate about your desires and expectations, and if something doesn't go according to plan, talk about it.
You could even try a practical solution to complement your talks: "Having a simple spreadsheet showing when payments are made and what they cover brings greater ease to the money conversation," she says. Don't Let Resentments Build The only way to avoid resentment is to address problems as soon as they arise. Here, it's super important to be very clear, and not beat around the bush.
And a little flexibility will go a long way. Stubbornness is not the way here. In negotiation, remember that "you are both part of designing the outcome together," she says. This part doesn't have to happen all at once, says Bouchard.
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And broach the subject carefully. Part Three: "End with 'Genuine Gratitude' for being able to have this conversation so openly and respectfully," says Bouchard.
Money talk doesn't always have to be painful, Bouchard adds: Next "you can lead into another subject that is much more fun to talk about and experience — like sports, exercise, food or sex. Don't Let Money Infiltrate Your Sex Life "Our sex lives can often get off-kilter when our money lives are full of unresolved issues and hurt feelings and resentments under the surface," says Bouchard.
If you're talking finances, there's a much better chance that "there is a great deal more trust between you, and a lot less baggage keeping the two of you from connecting," Traeger-Muney says. If Resentments Crop Up, Do Something Even if you're talking a blue streak about money with your partner, you might still hit a few roadblocks.
If you're feeling bummed about a talk that went badly, address these feelings as soon as you feel them, she says. By understanding them, you'll have a better shot at being successful in understanding your partner's financial attributes, which are likely.